We cannot automate ethics.

Thank you for sharing a very personal ethical narrative and analysis.  What caught the attention of your humble servant here are two "U" words:  Utilitarian and Unique.  Let's take Utilitarian first.  Its technical definition as an ethical system is "the greatest good for the greatest number."  You are very clear about your use of this framework to shape your ethics.  The other word, unique, provides a balance to Utilitarian.  Utilitarian is the group, and unique is the individual.  You are aware of the need to pay attention to the ethics of both individuals and groups.  The ethics for each, individual and group, can diverge or converge with the other ethics.  The challenge, of course, is learning how to balance them.  In short, we cannot "automate" ethics.  Dr. Rux